Being On The Same Page

"Conversations to bridge our Emotional Spectrum."

"Dogs are better at making conversations as compared to us. As simple beings, they do not hesitate to raise their voices at anything which brings them pleasure or displeasure; we, on the other hand, are often too preoccupied. We are complex beings, equipped with a spectrum of emotions with our alter egos in past or future, who often ignore the matters of the present. Most of us might have seen the 'Green Lantern' and would have made acquaintance with 'Fear' (facing ours in the real world would be a different topic). The image depicts the emotional spectrum (ROYGBIV) with 'Will' at the centre and 'Rage' and 'Love' at the farthest. Putting aside the Lantern Corps, how do we travel within these states? Yes. Feelings and Conversations."

Incident 1

A fine Saturday morning, and I was down with viral. It's one of the days of the week when Max is overly joyous!

"Let's go to the park, Hooman! Let's go, Let's go, Let's go!".

He would finish his business quickly and return to the car parking. However, today was different; I was under the blanket, and my wife scheduled a car driving appointment to utilize time. So, it was 7 AM, and she got up to have a cup of tea (folks with tea addiction would be able to relate to the need). Max was on the floor, lazy, keeping his eyes on all the movements. As soon as she picked up the car keys (even in stealth mode), Max was at the door! As adorable as he looked, we had to ask him to stay, and Max started making whimpering noises – which would only escalate into loud barking. She finally had a long dialogue with Max, and he, unhappily, let her go. What did he do? Made conversations; expressed his displeasure. But he still greeted her the same way once she returned from the driving class.

Incident 2

The same afternoon, I was in the middle of my extended siesta (drowsy on the medications) when I felt something on my pillow. The blasts of hot breaths on my face confirmed the identity, but I still opened my eyes; there was Max! He was sitting next to the bed with his toy on my pillow. My fever was down, and he was probably just bored of looking at me – sleeping for many hours now! But, unlike the normal play-times, he wrapped it up quickly after 3 rounds of 'tug of war' and went away. I went back to sleep, and Max got his toy again once I was up in the evening. So what did he do again? Made conversations, expressed his boredom, and still managed to NOT exert me. The result? A win-win situation for both of us; he got his play time, and I felt nice that he came to check up on me without being a bother!

What do we do?

Imagine a situation where Max would have been fuming on being left alone and lashed out when my wife was back. Or, where he would have been sitting bored, only to bite my leg off when I got up! We are eager to find love but fall prey to rage since we are bad at making constructive conversations. There's a major pitfall – we aren't perfect and poor at handling differences; a fairy tale vs real-world dilemma? Love isn't handed down; it is earned. We want conversations but do not listen; honesty, but we do not understand; devotion, but we do not surrender. We remain bound to the shackles of our past and fear the future; when our defence mechanism triggers a fight or flight response, we feel comfortable with the latter.

A wrong notion?

"If you cannot handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Many of us may have come across this quote; personally, it is degrading. This allows us to sweep anything under the rug of mood or situation and fail to make us better beings. Whenever we are hurt and shut off our senses like a scared animal, we forget that the harshness is directed towards people or relationships we hold dear. Maybe our entire notion is mushy? Instead of following the order of Trust>Respect>Love, we go the reverse way; thereby, Respect becomes a façade, and trust becomes a figment of our imagination. Since we find holding on to our dreams easier than making conversations, emotions escalate quickly from Love to Rage!

An alternative approach?

"What is love? Love is the absence of judgement."

Simple but profoundly deep; a stopper into honest conversations – judgement. We judge as we are not at peace with ourselves. A cycle of 'Acceptable' vs 'Unacceptable' where we do not keep the faith; we create our own demons through doubts and conflicts. Even if love is nothing but a comfortable surrender, emotions are tricky. Sometimes we cannot assess whether we should be patient or power through; no clear winner in the battles of the heart and the mind. However, until the light shines bright, maybe a few pointers can help us not give in to our darker emotions:

(1) Be patient; give the benefit of the doubt and have faith.

(2) Be kind; it's unnecessary to say everything out loud; think before speaking.

(3) Be open; communicate with an open heart and really listen

Conversations can sometimes be ugly but be calm and hold on to this anchor. View problems as situations and learn to forgive – like one of my favourite quotes from Sherlock Holmes:

"The problems of your past are your business, and the problems of your future are my privilege."